Intro To Life Lessons
Throughout 2015 and 2016 a strange combination of changes took place in my life. Amidst them, a picture formed in my mind. It was not something I understood, and it was unlike other artistic pictures (or visions) I've had in the past. This led to my spending about two years writing, demoing, and developing these songs, until finally turning them into this double album.
I'm not really sure what I was trying to accomplish or say. I'm as curious about it as I assume my listeners are. The process of bringing these songs about was very instinctual and impulsive. It wasn't exactly in my control. So I can't explain all that the album is. I can merely describe it's features. Life lessons is in two halves. Disc one is called Life Lessons from Blond Girls. It has a pink cover with a blue stripe. Blond Girls is (in my opinion) funny, cheeky, and playful. Disc two is called Life Lessons from Vixens. It has a blue cover with a pink stripe. Vixens is a little more aggressive, more forthright, and more representative of a hardened perspective, compared to Blond Girls. Both albums use themes of religion, sexuality, relationships, and mortality. Both poke fun at the current condition of the dating world, sometimes with the attitude of a scorner and sometimes with the attitude of a competitor. Fundamentally, I think this project expresses a curiosity regarding what relationships look like or feel like in a culture (or sexual economy) that is void of romance and meaning. What binds us? What motivates our companionship? At what level are we joined that is more than physical and less than religious? To quote from Body Like a Christian Girl, "She'd say without Jesus, what makes life worth living for? I'm not sure, Honey, I'm not sure." The "she" in this line describes a reckless ex-stripper who wears a crucifix as an aesthetic choice rather than an expression of a religious identity. A conflict persists throughout the songs. Despite descriptions of thrilling promiscuity, the singer laments, "when I have a son I hope he's not like me." "Don't try to save me." "Call it the sacred hand of Jesus, call it biology, but something in my broken nature doesn't agree with me." In the end, noted in the song Hey, he seems to express some level of peace in concluding, "Life isn't made of dreams, it's just as bad as it seems, a bunch of people building swimming pools in hell. But it makes sense to me, if we've gotta burn, my love, at least we'll have a story worth a tell."
This was a difficult project to complete and I'm grateful for everyone who helped me develop these songs. I'm grateful for the people who were in my life and fueled the pictures in my head. A huge thanks to Joshua Ling, Michael Kinchen, and Daniel Faust for helping my find the personality of some of these songs. Thanks to Johnathan Loos for helping me mix, and to Matt Tuttle for mastering my less than perfect mixes. And to those of you who will listen to it, thank you.
Acknowledgments
Life Lessons was written and recorded by Tyler Nail at Red House Studios, mixed by Tyler Nail and Johnathan Loos, and mastered by Matt Tuttle. Cover photography by Tommy McGlaun. Art work designed by Tyler Nail and Edited by Michelle Vernon. Album note photography by Cory Wood, featuring Lexi Rose. Life Lessons features performances by Joshua Ling (electric guitar), Michael Kinchen (bass), and Daniel Faust (drums).
Life Lessons from Blond Girls
the worst person I ever was
performed by Tyler Nail
Dear paint by number artist, my how you’ve stayed between the lines
Someone call the doctor because I think I've broken my heart
I remember when we met being cool kids in the downtown
I thought to myself, is it suddenly January because this girl is really cool
We fell for each other quick (real fucking quick)
I thought to myself, are you the son of God, because Jesus Christ
I was like a blind man at a brothel – I never saw you coming
But just like a fat kid on a bobsled, it went downhill quick
Real fucking quick – real fucking quick
You were like a simile, because you made me think of other things
You were a metaphor out of out of meta-five
Because you explained things different from reality
You were ironic in an ironic kind of way
You were a soap opera about the Marley family
You were melodrama
If Shakespeare met you, he'd take one look and say
Now that's a tragedy
You’re like the Sistein Chapel
Most of us have never seen the real you, and we’re okay with that
And we're okay with that
Lassie, you classic bitch
Thank you for helping me to grow the garden of me
I’ve reaped a great harvest and all I needed was a bunch of your bullshit
Some say romance is like a river
Or a mountain
Or a coffee
I say romance is like Santa Claus
It doesn’t exist
That’s right, Santa doesn’t exist
Just like the easter bunny or Jesus
They exist as much as Spongebob does, but I digress
Lady
You were the salad bar at my golden corral
Fucking useless
You were the child safe sword in my toy chest
Fucking pointless
You were the white crayon in my box of crayons
White and in the way
I wish I could say I'd hate you forever
But I wont live that long
But jus like my last car ride, I'll take it to my grave
Love always
The worst person I ever was
don't fucking call me baby (#2)
performed by Tyler Nail
Call me Daddy in the sheets
Call me woman when I’m weak
Call me on the phone when you don’t have shit to do
And I’ll make some time for you
Call me someone else’s name
Call me pussy when I’m lame
Call me maybe when you’re hanging with your boy
I can’t care less to tell the truth
But don’t you call me baby
You don’t know me that way
Don’t you call me lovely
This thing isn’t here to stay
I’ll call you good girl when you’re good
I’ll call you bad girl when I should
I’ll call you slut or bitch or whatever you’re into
I’ll say all the things for you
But don’t you call me baby
You don’t know me really
Please don’t call me lovely
It just feels to silly
I’m not sentimental (you mean nothing to me)
And we’re quite ordinary (this is nothing fateful)
I’m not here to love you (I don’t need a woman)
So don’t be here to scare me (don’t get clingy on me)
Things don’t have a reason (Jesus didn’t make us)
We just met over coffee (coffee shops are common)
You don’t really need me (you don’t “need” a boyfriend)
Never say you love me (we’re not high school students)
Don’t you call me baby
I don’t know you that way
Don’t you call me lovely
Please don’t ever call me babe
Please don’t ever call me babe
Please don’t ever call me bae
posh spice
performed by Tyler Nail
You’re so posh, everybody swears you’re a French girl
The way you split it down the middle, little bit of evil, littler Farrell
I swear to gosh, everybody knows where you're coming from
You’re like the girl, from the show, with the guys – yeah, Zoey Chanelle
Shorty likes to run with the big boys
Shorty gets sprung on the cool toys
Shorty likes the carbs and the retro everyday
Girly likes the boys in the corner
Girly likes the spring and the summer
Girly likes to see all the sweet boys running away
You have cool clothes, the all black gear with the beat boots
And you wear it like a Lennon, wear it like you’re winning some kind of game
No one can tell that you’re coming in the bar with the fury
And you’re waiting to attack the second guy that asks “what’s your name?”
Shorty likes the sound of the trap beat
Shorty likes the boys in the big league
Shorty likes the cars and the retro everyday
Girly likes the guys and the good times
Girly’s getting high on the sunshine
Girly likes to see all the cute boys running away
And no one’s telling you a damn thing you don’t know
From the weight of Syria to the evidence for God
And you don’t care about that superficial stuff
You get all your clothes consignment and you can’t stand Amazon
Guys just want sex from you, and that shit isn’t cool
You don’t want ‘relationships,’ you just want someone to fuck with
Shorty likes to run with the big boys
Shorty likes the guns with the big noise
Shorty likes the cactus and karma everyday
Girly likes the boys with the smooth moves
Girly likes the bugs with the tattoos
Girly likes to watch all the nice guys running away
Shorty likes the wine and the dining
Shorty’s getting by on the timing
Shorty likes to walk by the street signs everyday
Girly likes the broken disasters
Girly likes the bodies and the bastards
Girly likes to watch all the cool guys running away
for lent
performed by Tyler Nail
Well I gave up blondes for lent and thank God I did
That stuff was getting in my head
It keeps me up at night, makes me forget wrong and right
And it’s getting pretty heavy on my bed
Dirty blonde, better get the hell away before something gets going on
Dirty blonde, better get the hell away before everything goes wrong
Well I gave up blondes for lent to get a little closer to God
Because there wasn’t nothing holy about those days
Well I was chasing Blondie down every single Friday night
Til I finally saw the evil of my ways
Dirty blonde, better get the hell away before something gets going on
Dirty blonde, better get the hell away before everything goes wrong
Well I gave up blondes for lent, at least on Friday nights
The same way that I’ve done 1,000 times
And if I see a blonde tonight, in the name of Jesus Christ
Well God bless my soul I might just change my mind
Dirty blonde, better get the hell away before something gets going on
Dirty blonde, better get the hell away before everything goes wrong
fuck me (like a guitar)
performed by Tyler Nail, Joshua Ling, Daniel Faust, and Michael Kinchen
Fuck me, you’re the saddest girl I’ve ever seen
Blondie, you’re the genuine martini queen
Please don’t ask me what I’m thinking, you’ll know too soon, you’ll know too soon
I’m wide awake and you’ve been drinking all evening and all afternoon
"Fuck me," said the softest legs I’ve been between
Roughly, baby, treat me like a movie scene
Please don’t ask me what I’m doing, you know too well, you know too well
We both have a lot to prove before we go to hell, we go to hell
Fuck me, I knew you’d wake me up from sleeping in
Lucky me, I should have known you’d want to go again
Please don’t ask me what I’m thinking, there’s nothing for to know about
Please don’t ask me how I’m feeling, there’s nothing there to figure out
Go home little lady, go home little lady
Go home little lady, go home little lady
I’m not going to be your baby
You don’t need to try and persuade me
You’re not going to fucking save me
You’re just going to drive me crazy
Just go home little lady, go home little lady
Just go home little lady, go home little lady
when I have a son
performed by Tyler Nail
When I have a son I hope he’s not like me
And doesn’t feel women like electric wire
I hope he understands when the grass is green
It doesn’t get greener on the other side
When I have a son I hope he’s not like me
He doesn’t chase the girls with the yellow hair
I hope he’s got a little bit of self-control
When Blondie gets down to her underwear
I hope he don’t spend all the cash he makes
Looking for a girl that’ll make mistakes
I hope he wont drive from town to town
Looking for the girls that’ll throw it down
When I have a son I hope he understands
You play with the fire and you get the flames
I hope he’s pretty boring and he wastes his time
I hope he likes cats and video games
When I have a son I hope he’s not like me
He doesn’t get high off the long white socks
I hope he doesn’t pledge allegiance to the swag
Or pull his damn neck trying to get her off
I hope don’t sign on the dotted line
I hope he thinks thrills are a waste of time
I hope he don’t get tweaked on the fun
And in the morning say, “Damn, who have I done?”
When I have a son I hope he’s not like me
Set aside the body and use the brain
But really what’s funny bout the whole damn thing
My daddy used to tell himself the very same
I hope he don’t get knocked on the ground
Or turn into a wolf when the sun goes down
I hope he don’t get strung out on skin
Or lose his damn mind trying to get it in
I hope he don’t drive through the dead of night
Looking for the best time of his life
Hooked on Blondie ain’t the way to be
When I have a son I hope he’s not like me
Hooked on Blondie ain’t the way to be
When I have a son I hope he’s not like me
throw it on him
performed by Tyler Nail
Your mans a million miles away, he barely hears a word you say
You cry yourself to sleep, and try your best to keep yourself together through the day
Your broken heart won’t break him down, you still can’t make him come around
But there’s one good way to fix a broken love like this and make a home out of a house
Throw it on him like you’re going to hell
Throw it on him like a wishing well
Throw it on him like a carousel sometime
Throw it on him like it’s out of style
Throw it on him like you’re going wild
Throw it on him like you’re going to hell sometime
You've tried to build another fire, to turn the dark into desire
When you’ve tried it all, and your backs against the wall, there’s one solution worth your while
Throw it on him like you’re going to hell
Throw it on him like a wishing well
Throw it on him like a carousel sometime
Throw it on him like it’s out of style
Throw it on him like you’re going wild
Throw it on him like you’re going to hell sometime
It’s not that hard to work with what your mama gave you
It might sound easy but it’s likely going to save you
When you have him by the fault line of his genes/jeans
You can turn him into anything you need
Throw it on him like you’re going to hell
Throw it on him like a wishing well
Throw it on him like a carousel sometime
Throw it on him like it’s out of style
Throw it on him like you’re going wild
Throw it on him like you’re going to hell sometime
You got to get a little love somewhere
You got to get a little love somewhere
You don’t have to be a symphony
You don’t have to be a fantasy
You don’t have to wear a wedding ring
You don’t have to wear anything
He just needs a little company
A little bit of what’d you do to me
You got to get a little love somewhere
You got to get a little love somewhere
TLiC
performed by Tyler Nail, Joshua Ling, Daniel Faust, and Michael Kinchen
(original spoken lyrics were cut from recording)
I’ve got tinder love, and I’ve got insta care
I’ve got everything I need from a girl with yellow hair
I’ve got tinder lover, and I’ve got insta care
And when the world is going wrong, I always know that she’ll be there
I knew you were a right one for me
I’m so glad you didn’t left me baby
You always show me how you see me
I double tap that cuz I love it baby
Shake it up, shake it up, all through the night
I keep you right by my bedside
Put the cell phone on silent
I’ll love you again in the morning
I’ve got tinder love, and I’ve got insta care
I’ve got everything I need from a girl with yellow hair
I’ve got tinder lover, and I’ve got insta care
And when the world is going wrong, I always know that she’ll be there
You follow me where I am going
On every platform that you’re into baby
Your life is like a vintage poster
And your aesthetic drives me fucking crazy
Shake it up, shake it up, all through the night
I keep you right by my bedside
Put the cell phone on silent
I’ll need you again in the morning
I’ve got tinder love, and I’ve got insta care
I’ve got everything I need from a girl with yellow hair
I’ve got tinder lover, and I’ve got insta care
And when the world is going wrong, I always know that she’ll be there
And we make love at the snapchat of a finger
The bodies mine for seven seconds, maybe longer
And I’m confident you’ll never leave my screen
Cuz it takes too long to block someone on seven different things
I’ve got tinder love, and I’ve got insta care
I’ve got everything I need from a girl with yellow hair
I’ve got tinder lover, and I’ve got insta care
And when the world is going wrong, I always know that she’ll be there
(This is for all the girls that swiped left, you know who you are
Sometimes you have to take a chance and see what love can do
I know there’s a lot of catfish in the sea, guys are weird in all new ways
And what's right for me may be left for you
But take a step in the right direction, make a right kind of connection
There’s not much me and Bill O’rielly agree on, but we both know what side of the isle to be on
It’s hard to be at the right place at the right time of day
Sometimes your Mr. Right seems a million swipes away
Sometimes all you have is left is lefts at the end of the night
But if swiping right is wrong, I don’t want to be right)
We;; I’ve got tinder love, and I’ve got insta care
I’ve got everything I need from a girl with yellow hair
I’ve got tinder lover, and I’ve got insta care
And when the world is going wrong, I always know that she’ll be there
self portrait - first draft
performed by Tyler Nail
Maybe there aint nothing better, at all, at all